Damn Radio
by littledemontingy
Summary: Cartman is an adult and one of the few still left in crappy little South Park. Memories resurface of where his childhood friends are now and what happened to those that are gone. Contains kyman, style and if you want cartman/kenny.


First things first. Warning: This fic mildly mentions/describes murder, prostitution, suicide and other unpleasentries. More so than the before mentioned things it has one sided and mutual gay love. No sex though, so it's safe to read.

I had to re write this after over half of it got deleted and by the time I finished (now) its 4:10am. Rite now this looks like it turned out good to me, but I'm going to hold off on any bragging tell' after I get a few hours of sleep and then see how it looks. I know it isn't as good as the stuff that got deleted, but I think I got pretty close. So, tell me what you think.

*****

Well, I got some sleep and after looking it over again I think it turned out ok. Not perfect, but it's better than some of the other junk I've written at three in the morning on Friday nights. I still want to hear what people think about it whether its saying you liked 'this part' but not so much 'that part' or if your telling me what I could stand to improve on, I would love to hear it. I think I'll even take flames on this one, but none of that "Cartman's not gay!" or "you're an idiot, the South Park kids are 8 years old" junk because that's the whole point of fan fiction, so people can make Butters masculine and Stan kick Sparky. (For the record, I am 100% against animal abuse)

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Cartman did a small victory dance at the sound of his old banged up car finally starting after about seventeen minutes of trying to start it in the cold Colorado air.

"Wait... were was I going? Oh, whatever. Mite as well go for a drive. Anything to get out of the house right now" The 'big boned' man pulled the car out of the parking spot and onto the road, reaching out to start the heater.

"Radio, radio, radio. Ah, not that station. Hey! There's my jam! IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT! TELLING ME WHAT YOUR HEART MEANT!"

Eric hummed to the beat of the oldies song for a little longer before it came to an end.

"Aw, damn radio, that was my song! ARGH!" Hanging his head a little, as enough to still see the road, he definitely wasn't pouting. He was just mad because his song ended, there is a difference you know.

'As the snow flies, on a cold and gray Chicago morning a poor little baby child is born, in the ghettoooo. IN THE GHETTOOOO!'

"Wow, what's this station doing playing Elvis? Who cares! Good song!" Cartman sings lightly to the slow song as he is washed over with a wave of reminiscents. This was Kenny's song.

Kenny had stopped coming back some time in middle school, but no one seemed to notice other than the three friends he had left behind. Ms, McCormick was devastated after a few weeks without her youngest baby. A funeral was held half a year later after everyone was sure Kenny was gone for good this time. Eric had heard Ms. McCormick had a baby last winter, a little baby girl.

'-tries to run, but he don't get far  
And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers 'round an angry young man  
face down on the street with a gun in his hand  
In the ghetto

As her young man dies,  
on a cold and gray Chicago mornin',  
another little baby child is born  
In the ghetto'

"Hmm, must have zoned out, missed half the song. Damn radio." Sniffing a little the 32 year old wiped something wet from his face. He wasn't crying, so don't even start.

"Man, I DID zone out! I'm all the way in North Park."

*BANG BANG*

Cartman hit the radio a few times. It was the only way to fix it when it blacked out like this.

Cartman's mind began to wander as some song his mind barely registered played in the back ground. There wasn't a lot left in South Park for him, or even North Park. The majority of the people he had grown up with were ether dead, killed themselves, were locked up in jail or the loony bin or had moved away from the hick town.

'I'm sailing away  
Set an open course for the virgin sea  
'Cause I've got to be free  
Free to face the life that's ahead of me  
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard  
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore  
And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on'

"Kyle and Stan ran away together a few days after graduation, they were lovers. They left cause they couldn't handle the pressure of it in a hick town like South Park. I knew they were just a pair of pussies. Who knows were they are now, or even if they're alive. Well, ether way, they're free now."

'I look to the sea  
Reflections in the waves spark my memory  
Some happy, some sad  
I think of childhood friends  
And the dreams we had'

"I wonder how Butters is holding up in the nut house. Hehehe, better than he would be if they had put him in the slammer I bet." 'Crazy fuck just went off on a mass killing spree one day, took out a fourth of our graduating class plus his parents. We were 25 years old and the kid just started painting the walls red. I just sorta watched from behind the snack table. It was our class reunion.

'Come sail away, come sail away  
Come sail away come sail with me  
Come sail away. . . '

The song now over Cartman wondered why he never did anything with his life or why his life never ended like everyone else. He was pretty much the only one left not locked away some were and still in South Park. Bebe was still living here, working the corner in the darker side of North Park, and Wendy's mental state had started spiraling downward after Stan left, Cartman didn't think she knew why he left, but he read in the paper she had killed herself in front of the police station as some sort of stupid hippie statement about the government or something. Who knows. And then there was Pip and Clyde of all people, living happy ever after in the same place Clyde lived in growing up, married with two adopted kids. Token was still rich, living the life in Hollywood and Tweek was in pretty bad condition, but Craig had taken up the roll of his care taker and they lived between South Park and a few different hospitals.

'Mum mum mum mah  
Mum mum mum mah'

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I can't listen to this song anymore. I don't want to think about that! Aw, too late."

'Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh  
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got  
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,  
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No he can't read my poker face  
(She's got to love nobody)'

Cartman's heart clenched and it felt like a shriveled up raisin. He wasn't confused about it anymore, but that didn't mean he liked to think about it. Cartman had figured out that he was totally and 100% gay a long time ago. Denial gets old after however many years of hiding when there was no more reason to do so.

After all, with crushes on so many guys, from Justin Timberlake to his very first crush, Clyde, who he even named his child hood toy Clyde Frog after, how could it be more obvious?

'I won't tell you that I love you  
Kiss or hug you  
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin  
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning  
Just like a chick in the casino  
Take your bank before I pay you out  
I promise this, promise this  
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous'

The day Kyle ran away with Stan he had come to confront Cartman about all those years of fighting. Bags and boyfriend waiting in the car on the rode outside Eric's house, they shared their last fight.

Cartman wondered what it would be like now if he had just told Kyle how he felt that day, in front of his boyfriend and everything, he fantasized about Kyle running away with him instead, and telling Stan to just fuck off. Of course, that's not what happened.

Kyle beat him to the punch, in more ways than one. Kyle was on Eric like an angry animal, letting out years of repressed anger, beating his face in as he pinned him to the ground. Eric's poker face was gone and understanding as to why he felt so angry at the ginger haired man all their lives sank in. He would never get the chance to change any of it though. Because thats when Kyle unleashed the bomb shell.

He told him how much he hated Cartman for all that he put him through, but that he had found the love of his life and that was something Cartman would never have. Like Cartman needed Kyle to tell him that.

As Kyle got up off of Cartmans battered body, wiping away frustrated tears from his eyes Cartman tried to find were in the time line of their 'friendship' he had started loving his enemy. He couldn't think clearly over the storm of emotions and confusion in his conflicted mind. The rush of new emotions hurt more than the blood rushing from the gash on his forehead.

Cartman watched Kyle rap a thin arm around his lover who rested his more muscled one on his shoulders before getting into the running car and driving away from Cartman's house, leaving him to bleed in his yard. That was the last he ever saw Kyle and Stan.

Cartman had long sense left North Park and he wasn't really sure were he was, but then, he really wasn't sure that he cared ether. There was a bitter taste in Eric's mouth and the clenched raisin feeling still hadn't let up in his heart.

"Damn radio." The peace of junk radio had blacked out again a good wile ago, but Cartman didn't bother to fix it.

Cartman drove right through the night and into the next day. By mid-morning his car ran out of gas, but he didn't even try to fill it up. He was in the middle of no were, but he had been in the middle of no were his hole life and his life had never gone anywhere So he just started walking. He just started walking and didn't stop.


End file.
